Photo Source: Yeva
As this blog has evolved, it has turned into my Truth Blog. Not sugar-coated, rose-shaded, always-positive actively looking for readers to come and like, like, like — but truthful to my persona and welcoming to whoever wanted to tag along. So, today, I’m writing about my husband. Or rather, about how a few days ago my husband and I got into a big, big fight, in front of the kids. And all that for a miscommunication. I heard “Yes” and he assures me he said “No”.
Two days have passed since; we have talked, we apologized, we talked to the kids, but I still don’t feel alright. The nagging guilt inside me now combined with sadness rather than anger is still overshadowing most other thoughts and feelings. Meditating on a regular basis has taught me how to identify my feelings, but its hard to meditate at moments like this. For months now I’ve been feeling this puzzling whisper of pain whenever I meditate, though it was too quiet to consciously feel in every day life. And this fight triggered a release of the hidden anger and deception that I’ve been stocking inside of me. How often have I bit my tongue when I was unhappy or deceived, but didn’t want to get into an argument. This fight has helped me recognize the power of bitterness inside of me, however, how do we accept ourselves and our pain in such cases, when we know clearly that we have done something wrong? Self-acceptance is not as easy as it might initially seem, since it is not about turning a blind eye on the shadows lurking within our depths but rather about recognizing them, bringing them to light and still accepting ourselves.