End of August, 2016, through Couchsurfing we hosted a band Perija made out of 4 girls from Bulgaria / Macedonia and their dog Mishka. Though their stay was uneventful, these girls left a resounding trace in my heart. They were traveling across western europe in their van, playing in the streets traditional Bulgarian instruments for money and couchsurfing at night. All 4 of them were strong-spirited, (which created obvious tension in their group) each one of them knew exactly what she wanted and expressed herself in a very clear and concise manner: there was no room for second-guessing or timid politeness. All 4 of them were amazingly beautiful young women. It was a savage kind of beauty: their colorful, baggy clothes were obviously worn and re-worn for years, there was no make up, no eyebrow plucking and no shaving, and their delicate wrists and long feminine necks were adorned with beads, strings, shells and pieces of wood. At the end of August, 2016, by chance or through destiny we had hosted 4 “sorceresses” (as my children had started calling them), and they’ve put such a strong spell on me that months later I still can’t stop thinking about them, I still listen to their repetitive repertoire on BandCamp with an aching heart.
And now I ask myself, have I found a place where I belong? A sort of Bohemian life on the fringe? Sometimes it feels like such an unbearable earning, to grab my children and my husband and to leave not just this place but this lifestyle made out of banks, credits, iphones and 9 to 5 work days (even though neither I or my husband have a 9 to 5 work day, and I don’t think we would be able to either). Sometimes it feels so much like my soul is aching under this burden: latest phone, latest buzz, latest pokemon card or Barbie doll? Biggest sale, lowest credit rate, cheapest vacation, largest house so everyone can have a room? In reality I don’t care, I can’t even pretend anymore like I used to. I know that life is so much more than numbers, than worry about the future and I feel completely trapped in this “normality”. This ache is constantly present in me, since I’ve started meditating I’ve started noticing it more and more. It’s like a very slight background noise that I haven’t noticed before because there was other noise that felt more important. But now that I’ve learned to take the time and concentrate on the “inside”, or may be now that I’ve met the 4 “sorcerecesses”, I realize how relevant this noise was / is through out my life. I have a need to create, I have a need to travel, to meet people (but not through fake smiles of every day interactions), I have less and less patience with every day worries.
And now that I’m writing this entry, I think I’ve auto-answered my own question: this is the dormant chord the girls have struck in me, the nomad chord. A few months after they’ve left I’ve stopped shaving, stopped buying new clothes and now all I can think about is traveling despite my husband’s new, promising job.
All that is left now is is to figure out the logistics of it…;)